Well what a night!! Not the best in my life but I guess with hindsight not the worse either and I am glad I was sober.

Drove to railway feeling very nervous and wondering how I would manage the Mr T and Mr V problem. Got to pub with Yasmin and Jayne and I guess all our emotions were pretty high compounded by Jayne and I being very pre menstrual.

Met up with Tina and Kara. Its funny watching people get drunk. After a couple of drinks their mouths begin to slip and they start shouting at silly things or verbally attacking random men who are generally minding their own business. I've also noticed they don't mind getting drink spilt all over them which really pissed me off yesterday.

No sign of Mr T for which I was grateful and each time the door opened I looked to see if it was Mr V or Mr T dreading either of them coming in. Eventually about 10 to 10 got a text from Mr T saying he had missed the train and would not be coming which was a huge relief to me as I was by now convincing myself that if he did turn up he would be a seedy little man with a paunch who I would gag at the thought of being intimate with.

Saw Lawrence and his friends come in which was a total surprise as he had said he was working a shift last night so that was another worry now. Just after 10 saw Mr V and his friends walk in and from that time onward it was like my head contained a magnet and he was the force field. My head kept turning involuntarily towards where I thought he might be standing and my eyes were constantly scannning the area for sightings of him. Luckily he blended into the crowd and I could not see him that often. It was when walking past to the toilet that I had to pass close to him and couldn't help but see him. He looked like he was enjoying himself and at the end of the evening he and friend were talking and joking with some tall scrawny women...I could see his arm around her holding her arm...which of course raised murderous feelings of jealousy and rejection in me.

Apart from saying hello Lawrence did nothing either, no eye contact, no smiles nothing which also felt very rejecting. Don't these men know I need attention? lol

It was a horrible evening and I felt tired and bored and upset and jealous and pre occupied all at once. I really wanted to go home and I should have gone once I realised that Jayne and Yasmin were not going to do anything to provoke Mr V but was persuaded to stay. Next time go when you feel like going.

When Jayne and I were in the bathroom Jayne had the urge to text Roberto and when her message was received she telephoned him and told him we'll be coming to visit soon. She also told him she was thin!!! and would he get a beautiful man for Gilly? lol So that was one bright moment in the night.

When I got home I did text Mr V and asked if I had been a good girl but so far no response and once again I am thinking its over. He probably picked up a new number last night and is even now texting her with the you are lovely crap.

I did text Lawrence this morning though and said I was sad there was no nice chat last night. He replied really quick and said he was sorry he now felt rude but I went early and he would make it up to me next time Xx. Don't know whether he just lost sight of me in the crowd or if this is just an excuse but I did think if he was not interested he didn't have to reply at all. When I replied and said I had been boringly sober as I was the driver he replied he had been the same. He was now in work. I said to enjoy his power naps and asked if he prefered being busy but so far no reply. Anyway thats a bit of a recovery. Doesn't this man realise he is my rescuer he just needs to hear my 999.

Got period pains this morning and period nearly 2 weeks early which is a pain in some ways but good in another as will be clear for Venice!

Right off to put on positive head, forget about love rat Mr gorgeous V, concentrate on my rescuer, housework, shopping and perhaps just calming things down a bit for a while. Maybe I need to forget all this love and romance and sex stuff and start acting my age again...yeah fat chance...I can't wait to get out properly and make up for my sobriety and boring and stressful night last night.