I'm not in love

I really don't want to spend so much time thinking about Mr V. I seem to have fallen into an old trap again of endlessly worrying and wondering if he will contact me and if not does this mean he won't ever and it just goes round and round in my head and really whats the point?

Logically I know all that and logically I can tell you that I'm not in love with the bloke and don't really like him as a person but I do find him compellingly attractive and sexy and want him to be mine I guess. I think he is attractive as well because he is so unavailable and so callous and uncaring and there is probably a part that wants to convert and change him whilst the other part just knows that ain gonna happen baby.

I've had my honeymoon period just over Christmas when he kept texting with no demands and I squandered it and got bored. Well there is a lesson for you....don't rush things next time.

I keep making up things to say to him and last night got quite stroppy in some of the texts I sent talking about the thick, stupid and probably dirty tarts he talks to online and I hope it got to him. He is very clean and if he is worried about dirt or catching something that will put him off.

Nah when I weigh it up he just has to go and I don't have to make a big scene about it but just let it happen naturally. I've deleted his number already and just have to wait till I've made enough texts for his one to fade away from recent receiptants which is an aggravating feature of the phone when you are trying to forget someone.

Incidently got some chatty emails from Craig yesterday and today and that got me thinking as well. Two years ago I was pretty desparate, sad and almost suicidal and if you had told me that Craig would be emailing me again I would have leaped over the moon for joy and today I just take it in my stride and instead wish it were Mr Velvet so that just shows how fickle the heart can be sometimes.

Period is working its way round my body which is good but also boring and is making me grumpy.

Got lots of training tomorrow and to be honest I am not looking forward to it they always moan and groan so much.

Hope Jayne does not cancel the gym tonight I do need to do something to get me out of the rut and away from phone watching and listening....I do love that tinkling sound that tells me there is a message and especially when its an exciting text from him summoning me to do naughty things.

Ahh well enjoy.