Moat House was horrible and am never going back again. Full of loud screaming old women who should know better dressed in shorts or short skirts and dresses far too young for them. The music was kindof okay but generally the evening was an expensive waste of time. I sent Mr V a drunken text saying how horrible it was and another reminding him of all I could do and that other women couldn't!!

Next morning I text him asking if he got anyone's number and he said he never went as he couldnt be bothered so felt slightly embarrassed but told him I was glad he didn't go and I wanted to lock him away in a room so he was just available for me. He said ' u r funny'

Sunday he text that instead of hiding easter egss he should be hiding his cock in one of my holes so I sort of guessed from that he still fancied me...desperate isn't it and I guess one day I shall feel so embarrassed when I read how I debase myself for this gorgeous man but hey ho.

Joyce came round for Sunday lunch and hopefully it helped her a bit...poor thing is a bit desperate and hangs on to you for ages when you kiss her goodbye or hello...I'm not very tactile at the best of times and find it hard. Phil was good and let her cuddle him for ages.

Sunday night got into texting with Mr V and Monday morning he text me early saying was I feeling horny. The long and short of it was we arranged to meet and had a very nice lunch time session and must remember the handbrake...lol Later he text to say how much he loved our time together.

He is still so gorgeous looking and I have not got over the novelty and gorgeousness of him I could quite literally eat him up and in fact do my best.

Later heard from Jayne that Linda had found out what his name really is...nothing like Simon but his nickname is now understandable. I'm not sure how I feel knowing that he told me a lie about his name. I like to think the name he gave me is easier or more english sounding than his birth name or that he gave that name that night in the pub and since then has not been able to correct it or that I got it wrong...but I'm afraid I would be lying and fooling myself if I said that. I might give him some opportunity to explain why he gave me a false name and see where we go from there. I think it comes down to this secrecy and lack of trust he has...like he said he doesn't trust anyone.

I sent him a picture today of the handbrake and called it car porn, hopefully it will have made him smile.

Craig replied to my email saying what about meeting at the weekend and I replied saying he could come to Epping one evening or at the weekend. I really don't want to traisp all the way to London and back and I was hoping he might feel put off if I suggested Epping but no he tried to phone and left a message on my phone. I ignored this and he sent an email. I sent a text at 5 hoping he would be on the tube but he replied agreeing to phone me tomorrow and now he has just sent another text saying how much he misses my horny little mind!!! I feel horrible and I do know I can never go back there again and don't want to.

Its very strange because two years ago I would have sold my soul to the devil for Craig to send me a message like that but now all I feel is terror and revulsion. I should tell him straight but there is something keeping me, keeping him dangling....oooh I keep constructing texts and then not sending them. I am going to have to be straight with him and tell him there is no possible hope of anything else except a sort of friendship and to be honest even that is difficult with the memories I have of his manipulations and stuff.

Jayne has heard from B that he is still angry and upset with her regarding the texts and she is not his girlfriend and has no right to text him as she did...he did as she asked and told her to Fuck off...she is very sad...my poor little Jayney.