Stupid texts

Funny day yesterday. After I text him I felt sort of horrible all day not relieved that he had text back immediately but sad that I had given in and let myself down. I couldn't relax properly either. It didn't feel warm enough to sit in the garden and I couldn't be bothered to just sit and chill around the house so ended up doing some work!!

Went out last night to Chris's for a meal. He really is a good cook and we had steak with new potatoes cooked in garlic and rosemary with lots of nice fresh veg all steamed by him. Fiona cooked the potatoes and did a lovely sweet which was a lemon tart with creme frachai and nuts and strawberries beautifully served. We drank lots of wine and Jayne and I kept them up late talking bollocks basically. I really didn't realise it was so late till I got to bed about 12.45.

Stupidly sent him a text saying its hard trying to give up an addiction even wen u its not good 4' I even forgot to end it properly! It didn't actually go through till 8.15 this morning and now I feel even more stupid than before and more desperate. How can I show I don't want him if all my texts are screaming that I do?

Got funny tummy this morning as well. Too much rich food and wine late at night...so have decided to take the day off sick. This is rare for me and I do feel horrible. Stupid thing is that I have got up early, bent over the bath making myself feel dizzy to wash my hair, spent ages doing make up and hair, got dressed and now decided not to go in. I should have decided first thing this morning and had a lay in. I am tempted to go back to bed now though.

Got a phone call from Mum yesterday basically saying she thinks Dad is losing his mind a bit and is not sure if it is alchzeimers or the effects of the medication. Anyway Chris and Fiona can stay at theirs and I'll send them down with sleeping bags to save on washing. I did try and tell her to make the most of the time they have and find something good to do each day, quoting the idea of a picnic in the garden. She missed the point completely and went on about not wanting to sit in the garden with a picnic and how she want to go to Wales in a few weeks time!! I really don't see how this is possible especially as he is finding it hard to breath just wandering around the house.

Right on with the day and whatever it might bring.