Bodger has someone else!!

We went to Yasmins for a pre drink where Jayne and I drank pernod. I got amazingly drunk very quickly and when we got to the Shark I was already really drunk and did ask for water but was given lager. I do remember not being able to find my way out of the toilet and had to wait for someone else to come and go so I could follow her.

The Railway is just a blur. I can't really remember much at all although I do remember seeing Mrs V and her fucking twinkly eyes and then sending him a text that said U r a wrongun and I and u know it shall i tell them lol but you are a very sexy and powerful man I think they would be shocked cos they think you are lovely lol. He just replied what are you on about and I didn't reply back.

Anway just got drunker and drunker and can't remember anything else about the night except that Jayne had got a text from Bodger saying he was with someone!!

Managed not to be sick in the taxi but was sick outside the front door and in the bathroom. Yasmin had to guide me to the front door and get Richard up to let me in...what a state!! Not good and mustn't happen again. I have not been that ill since I went to London a few years ago and drank after shocks. Yuk Woke up this morning and was sick again and just stayed in bed till about 12ish giving the paracetomol chance to work.

Met with Jayne today who is understandably down. It seems Bodger has got someone else now and she always told him she would leave him alone if this happened but he was to tell her, well he has told her and so she has now to try and leave him alone.

I can undertand how she feels. Terrible rejection, loss, feelings of why her and not me, jealousy for all the things they will do together that she never had with him. Trouble is she can't have a proper relationship with someone because she is still married and even though she and Mark are not happy she won't end it because ulitmately she is scared even though ending it might be the best thing in the world for all concerned. I know these things because that is how it is for me. We are doomed to carryon meeting and having relationships with unsuitable men who treat us badly.

Saw Mr V striding through the town today with his son by his side. Little boy with dark golden curls and beautiful skin wearing an Arsenal strip and striding beside his dad. I sent a text saying I had seen them and they looked lovely ...he actually replied thankyou.

Later he started texting and asking about my text from the previous night I tried to fob him off but he wanted to know what I meant so I have told him I will tell him but only when I see him.

I wonder what effect the knowledge will have on him? Does he already assume I know or has she told him ealier that she and I had that conversation together and he doesn't care? Will he bothered at all? Will it give him greater licence to treat me even more badly? Will he run away because I know no too much? We will have to see.