Changing learned behaviours.

Got some work done yesterday and it was good to be able to finally concentrate on something other than that bloody moderator course work although I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that it will be returned to me at a later date to add or amend stuff...grrr.

I met Jayne who is still down and had spent a sleepless night worrying about money but it seems that Mark will come up trumps and give some money to them all for Venice. My worry is that this rescuing is not really what Jayne needs. She needs as do I to change her behaviour otherwise things will just carry on.

Why is it so hard to change ones behaviour though? We know what we are doing is perpetuating an unhappy situation and not doing ourselves any favours. We can see that changes are needed and can even sometimes see where the changes need to happen but somehow that transference from theory into practical gets muddled and we find ourselves justifying where one more time will not hurt etc etc.

I think some of it is about short term pleasure and satisfaction...we want it now and even if that means settling for something that is second best there is always the worry that the best won't happen anyway so why not grab what you can whether that be love, material things, child rearing etc etc. So if Mark offers a quick easy way out but one that involves her spending more money ie taking the girls to Venice she will grab it, knowing that its going to make the situation much much worse. The idea of pleasure now, of her and the girls all enjoying each others company and enjoying the beautiful city of Venice, of Justine overcoming her phobias , of Lauren being gentle and kind is so wanted that Jayne will hope it to be true and try to buy it with gifts and money.

Same for me with Mr V...I so want him to fall in love with me that I'll grab any attention he gives me even knowing that he is doing this to several other women and that I so want male attention and crave intimacy that I'll justify what I am doing as harmless whereas it probably isn't. even though I tell myself to take his number off my phone and not contact him in a moment of weakness I'll find myself justifying why texting or emailing one more time will not hurt and before I know it I am back once again on the cycle of depression, excitement, let down and depression again and even I can see within that cycle there is only one bit of good to 3 bad.

Apparently it takes only 14 days to get rid of a bad habit or change a behaviour so lets just see shall we?