You can take the boy out of the gutter but you cant take the gutter out of the boy!!

Not long after I posted yesterday I plugged the phone in to charge and trundled downstairs to get on with other stuff convince that I wouldn't be hearing from him today. When I popped upstairs there was a message from him waiting for me. 'U r in big trouble u stupid bitch you told Gavin about me and debs!!'

My heart started racing and I racked my memory to think what was said. I just replied 'I never' then phoned Jayne to check with her. She couldn't remember saying anything although I could remember Gavin saying he was going to check on something I could'nt remember anything else. I phoned Linda as she is the most sensible and she remembered Jayne asking Gavin if he was sure that the affair between Mr V and Mrs V was over...'was it?' she apparantely asked several times.

I tried to phone, his phone was switched off..eventually he phoned me back all ranting and raving about people's limbs being broken and other horrible threats although I don't think he was threatening me but rather Gavin.

I told him it was not me but rather was Jayne. He accepted this but still went on about reigning Jayne in because Harlow can be a dark and dangerous place and she needed to watch her self and not involve herself in his life. People could get hurt, she could get hurt. He was the boy I had heard about, all the people I work with rolled into one and no one was going to mess things up. He looked after his own and other people looked after him etc etc threats to Jayne and threats to Gavin.

He did apologise to me for being so accusative and abusive but still ranted on about Gavin in particular. I told him that he knew he could trust me and he agreed with this and I told him not to threaten people. How could hurting someone who had hurt you do any good? He just said it had to be done. I told him to tell me more so I could inform on him. I also told him that he and she were the indiscrete ones, that she had told me everything and I could have been anyone.

To be fair he listen, calmed down and repeated his apology several times until he said 'I don't normally apologise and I've said I'm sorry and I won't say it again' The conversation ended okay.

I then went to pick Jayne up who was distraught from rowing with Justine. Justine has become this huge monster. She has huge tantrums, becomes physically and verbally abusive and just after a row had slammed the front door causing the glass to break. Jayne was at her wits end. At least now she is realising that Justine's behaviour needs and has to be challenged and she admits that she has allowed her to be the way she is by rescuing her too much.

There is much deeper stuff with Jayne and Justine's behaviour but it would take a trained counsellor to bring it all out and I am not entirely sure what it all is. I think on some level Justine recognises that Jayne finds it difficult to be around her and so Justine latches on stronger and the more she does the harder Jayne finds it...its all mishmashed boundaries.

We had a wonder around the town and nearly bumped into Mrs V in boots!! This was a scary moment as the last thing either of us wanted was some public row in the shops so we left. Later while having a coffee I text him and explained that Gavin had infact told Jayne about his and hers affair but said it was over. Jayne merely asked if this was so and he said he would go and check. I also said that I had nearly bumped into Debs and that she had better not have a go at me. I was pissed off. I do nothing and get all the shit!

A little later he text saying Ok calm down...I'll get a room soon and fuck you silly ok?'

I just replied that I shouldn;t be looking over my shoulder because of his affairs and as for the room I would believe it when I was in it with him poised above me.

I sort of half joked but not as I think I am still angry. How dare he call me a bitch and how dare he accuse me without listening to me first! Also this whole thing is sordid and I certainly don't want to get involved or hear anymore than i have to about his bloody relationship with her.

Doesn't he realise how I just about hold myself together over this? Doesn't he realise that I care more for him than I pretend? Does he really think I am just sex?

Went out for a drink with Lorraine and Jayne last night. Felt slightly strained with Jayne now exhuasted by emotions of the day and me tired and preoocupied. Lorraine whose life seems to be swimming along wonderfuly with successful, husband and children seemed in a different league to us silly old women chasing inappropriate men. However we had a fairly nice time. Went to the Chequers at Matching and smelt delicious food being cooked and watch nicely dressed people with their families.

Came home had a row with Richard about the bedroom and music and fell asleep.

Today the weather is nice and warm, Phil has gone to Southend with Tim and his family and I am half way through rearranging the sitting room furniture yet again. I have not text him and don't really want to. He needs to know I am still cross not that I was expecting to hear from him today anyway but I do hope he worries a bit that I am cross.