Different perspectives

Busy day at work started by me upsetting Lizzie by suggesting it would be a waste for her to join us at Christine's Mum's house. We needed to get on and also needed someone at the office so I wasn't being horrible but she didn't like it, however she recovered herself and even laughed when told later that I was to supervise her. I'm not looking forward to this task as I can see lots of areas that need to be improved, must be positive.

Phoned to find out how Dad's first lot of treatment went but mistimed the phonecall and he was till at the hospital. Mum was very down saying she could see him getting weaker by the day and basically that the end is not long away she has even started allowing him to eat what he wants so that shows you how bad she thinks he is. Apparently the cancer in his hip is causing real pain now and the district nurse has arranged for a special matress to relieve pressure sores. Had to drive to Clacton blinking back the tears.

Meeting in Great Bently went well and I think I've sold the Restorative Interventions package to the teachers okay, drove home cooked and ate dinner and watched some old recorded tv, got a text from Lisa that painted a very different picture. The treatment went well, no side affects and Dad really positive about the future. I text back and told her how Mum had been, Lisa was cross to be excluded and said she is an adult but honestly Dad was fine. This made me feel a bit better although very mixed up. Whose perspective is more accurate?

Text Mr V mainly for some contact with people and a need to know someone cares although I don't think he does really. I'm very firmly back in the box marked sex now. Anyway he tried to get me to have a cyber 3some with silly Pete and I did for a while but the words of whore and slut and talking about what they were doing to me just made me feel sick and used and excluded all at once. So I blew up, got very emotional and made a fuss.
To give him his due he was fine and apologised and acknowledged that I had a lot on my plate. He even suggested having a nice soothing bath with smelly stuff which is extraordinarily nice of him lol. I did ask him if he even liked me as a person to which of course he replied of course.

Went to bed and woke at 2 dreaming and thinking of Dad and cried a bit and couldn't get back to sleep for ages. However woke this morning feeling better so maybe the crying has done me some good plus washed hair which always makes me feel better. I've reasoned that its not Mr V's fault he doesn't see me in a different way and actually even if he is never going to fall in love, tell me all his thoughts and want to listen to mine, he is still there for cuddles and lovely sex which is better than if he was not there...maybe those interludes can help in some way, another person, human contact, skin on skin, intimacy although none of this takes the sadness and sorrow away from this difficult time.