Feeling flat and pulling myself together.

Totally wasted yesterdays working from home and achieved zilch so far as work was concerned. Just sort of pottered about doing a bit of housework and internet surfing. I can't say I even enjoy those sort of days and always end them feeling guilty and fed up that I have achieved nothing its not as if I enjoy the thrill of having a sneaky day off in fact I would be better off if I just slouched around and watched tv it would be far more upfront rather than just wasting time almost pretending to work.

Part of the problem at the moment is this feeling of flatness, of not being excited about anything really and I wonder if I am a little depressed. The main emotion that seems to be loitering under the surface is sadness and I can cry easily especially if I think of Dad and his suffering. I got a lovely text from Lorraine yesterday saying she had been thinking of me and was I okay. That almost made me cry in itself.

I've decided today to pull myself together. He is alive and he is having treatment so no more wailing and moaning. I've a lot to do and look forward to, Venice this weekend, out tonight with girlies and mustn't get too drunk. Bathroom nearly decorated, course to go to when I get back, family to see and nurture and friends to share time with...I am rich in so many ways.

I've a feeling Mr V is ignoring me again or it could be that he is distracted with his immenient move or old Barage balloon is on the scene as suspected earlier. I am pretty sure of the latter as we have not had sex for over a week and normally he would be gagging for it.

Got a lovely email from Jason saying lots of very kind things such as not rushing me and understanding the need to keep our relationship to emails as a keyboard won't misinterpret a need for a cuddle as a starter for sex. Quite made me warm to him as a person although underneath I am very cynical and suspicious, don't all men just want to get into your knickers and once there all the nice talk just dissapears see Mr V as an example. Do you know the one exception to this I believe would be Peter H, bless him.