Had an early night last night as was filled with horrible cold which left me feeling all muzzy and tired and headachy. Going to bed to watch tv is fatal as \all I do is fallasleep no matter how early it is.
Woke up feeling achey and tired and a bit depressed however I think the time of the year has something to do with this as well in fact most people I talked to today were feeling a bit blue and fed up. I think if I read last years February blog I was riding high from Mr V and attributing lack of colds down to either ginger with lemon in hot water or lots of blow jobs. I'm not doing so many blow jobs this year but rationality tells me my winter blues is probably the norm and last year was the exception.
Having said that I am not really depressed just a little blue. Poor Lizzie in work is having terrible troubles. She finds out she is pregnant and the man she has been living with and with whome she was going to get married to last year has suddenly got cold feet and is running away leaving her literally to carry the baby. This is affecting her work and also Christine who is her mother is also distracted so we're all affected to some degree but I do feel for her.
Work was also a bit depressing as we got Christine to sit down and work out the budget realistically and we find out that there is not enough money in the pot. There just might be enough to employ Sally and myself for a while but only if we don't do anything other than sit in the office and as for Greg and Christine well it looks unlikely that they will stay...all very very worrying and depressing to say the least. The trouble is that all of Essex is in a state of flux with no one knowing if they have a job or what the structure of the service is going to actually look and feel like in a years time...I just worry about my debts if I didn't have those it would be tempting to take a career break and start a whole new life doing something completely different again.
I wonder how cheaply I could live alone? I have this fantasy of living in the countryside by the sea and doing something simple like serving in a cafe or even back in a library serving the local community and living a simple life of gardening, walking a dog and reading. Perhaps that retirement and I doubt I would be content doing that for long and would soon start wondering and finding new adventures.
Read and scanned Richards emails yesterday. They are not all that exciting and obviously at the start of his affair so don't say an alwful lot really. I do now know that she comes from up north, has been married 3 times and has two daughters. I don't know if they have actually met as it seems that they met on line and I don't know how their relationship has progressed but you know how it works sometimes information just seems to fall into your lap and I am sure I will hear the answers to those questions one day.
Mr V sent a text today saying hello and when I said he makes me laugh he just said ' funny aint I' which is very cheeky. I don't know if he knows I am cross with him. I suspect he does as he always used to start texts when he had been absent for a while with a simple hello and how are you? My intention when I met him was not to recriminate but to value the time he gives me, after all if he doens't want to be with me no amount of moaning and nagging is going to make him want to be with me more now is it...however its kind of harder to do that than to say it...in reality I want to scream and hit him and demand he gives up everyong else and be faithful and loving only to me but thats another fantasy lol
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