Feelings of rejection part 59

I'm having feelings of horrible rejection and I don't like em!! I've known he has been seeing someone else for a while now. The gaps between when he makes time to see me are getting wider and wider and Robo let slip about some girlfriend being in Danbury or something which only confirmed what I already thought and knew in my heart. Last night I asked him via text if he were in love and not with me but with whoever he was shagging because I got the feeling I was wasting time hanging around...no answer. Today I sent another text asking if this was the 'reel thang' Was I to be discarded like a pair of old boxers, once tight and close to his skin and now baggy and faded only to be thrown away? I even put a sob sob lol at the end...and I guess the reply I wanted was him saying 'he has been busy and don't be a nutter' Instead I get nothing which kind of gives me the answer I didn't want to know...so there you are be careful of asking questions when you don't really want to know the answers. My own fault I know that already.

So here I am again. A year on and nothing changed. I know I'll see him again but today I feel shitty and horrible...thanks Ollie.

Feelings of rejection start in my stomach with a butterfly itchy feeling, wonder around my body making my eyes tired and my arms floaty. I feel sad and depressed and angry all at the same time.

There is nothing I can do about him only about how I react to him. Do I want to carry on like this or forget him once and for all? I wonder what would happen if I didn't try to lure him back again like I did so many times before? Would he wonder back of his own accord or just forget all about me? I'm not sure. He did text of his own accord last week so I kind of felt he was just keeping his options open with me. Trouble is no matter how hard I have tried I am in love with the bastard really...I fall to easily...and the whole year has been amazingly good fun...these thoughts I must take with me.

Over a year of fun and excitement, of him making me feel the sexiest woman alive. Him making me feel I am so talented in the bedroom and him being so fucking attractive and clever which just makes me want him more. I must take these thoughts away and let them carry me away from him smiling at the memories.

Just got back today from taking Mum back to Southampton. Any mentions of cars got short shrift from me. Lisa and Chris have not yet moved into their super dooper large house yet...and they admit they have really over extended themselves and are very worried about the mortgage repayments. It will only work if they cut back on everything extra like takeaways and booze, but when they spend over £50 a week on booze and Chris is more or less admitting he is an alcoholic then everyone knows it will be tough.

Dad's clothes have gone from the wardrobes and I do admire the way mum has got on with making the house just hers. His photot is everyway but there is less sign of the man that was living there. You don't so much feel he will walk back in because his coats and hats have gone and of course now the clothes plus the toiletries went a while ago. It must have been tempting to keep it all and pretend he was coming back. Its sad, terribly sad and we all do miss him still.

Right off to get on with life Ollie free.