Oh what to do, what to do?

Oh what to do, what to do? Rob wanted to see me again and so we went out for another drink last night. To be honest sitting in a pub not being able to drink is a bit boring for me and I suggested that we watch a dvd at his. He said he didn't have a dvd player and anyway he liked going out!!!

Now what does this mean? Does he want to have sex with me? Is he worried about taking me back to his and if so why? Ashamed of me or his home or worried about his friends or maybe just telling the truth?

So it was a drink we went for. To be honest I got a bit bored tonight. I don't want to talk about football endlessly and I was seriously running out of things to say so around nine O'clock I suggested we go home. When I dropped him off he kissed me and the kisses are lovely it has to be said and even though I responded and got warmed up he pulled away, kissed me on the neck and left!!

Anyway I keep comparing him disfavourably to Mr V. When I close my eyes all I can see are his beautiful shoulders and strong, muscled arms. All I can see is his beautiful hooded brown eyes or feel his crinkly little beard againts by teeth, I used to love biting his chin! I'm still hooked on him even though it looks more and more unlikely that he will be back now.

This is not fair on Rob who is talking about going to the London eye in a few weeks time and tells me by text that I am the most wonderful person he has met in his whole life...this just depresses me and makes me feel swamped and horrible. Today instead of being on cloud nine that at long last someone has really fallen in love with me I just feel bleurgh...which goes to show me that its not just about having someone love you its having the person thats right for you love you.

So what to do? I don't want to tease or treat Rob badly because he is such a nice bloke but then I keep wondering will my feelings grow? Am I being like this because something inside me thinks I don't deserve to be loved? Should I give him up because for one thing I am not yet over Mr V? Or should I continue and not make promises and keep it light?

Before he got out of the car he was talking about going out on Saturday whereas before we had both assumed he would be doing something for St Patricks day...it would be easier if we didn't meet till next week as it would give me time to think and see if I miss him or not.

I suppose you could say this is a nice situation for a woman of 48 to be in with a young 33 year old in love with her...but its not all its cracked up to be lol.