Jayne was supposed to be going to her neices wedding yesterday, the much lauded and speculated upon wedding. Where prodigal cuckoo son John was going to be in the same room as Jayne's deserted and wronged Mum. The wedding where Jackie's ex husband who ditched her for younger woman was going to be in the same room as Jayne who could have been potentially on the war path. The same wedding where Jayne bought two outfits because she put on too much weight in between buying and the wedding date so had to buy a whole new outfit. The same wedding where she was going to announce to her family that Justine was pregnant.
She sent several texts saying that they had started off okay but then suddenly about 3ish I got a text to say their car had almost predictably broken down and they were being towed all the way back to Harlow. She spent 12 hours on the road to nowhere yesterday, probably felt very foolish in front of her family when what she wants more than anything is to prove to them that she is a success. Her life is really going through a difficult phrase at the moment.
I'm feeling a bit bluergh myself at the moment. All my get up and go seems to have gone and left especially since returning from Cornwall. I often get like this around my wedding aniversary so am just hoping that now I have recognised this mood as something that often reoccurs I can work through it and get back to normal.
Everything seems so pointless at the moment, work is going down the pan, home is a mess and I look around at the settling for nothing and think what am I doing? I'm nearly 50 for gods sake and if I don't get on and do something I am going to die feeling I settled for second best is that what I want?
On the other hand I have two wonderful sons, good health and good professional reputation so why am I getting all down in the dumps. I suppose I just want more.
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