San Sebastian

Just got back from a brilliant weeks holiday with Jayne in San Sebastian. It truly is a wonderful place full of great views of the seas the mountains and the surrounding countryside. We were totally relaxed out there. Only marred by us both getting terribly drunk in a bar being picked up by two taxi drivers, all my fault as I deliberately caught the eye of one I thought looked good only when I saw the photos the next day I could see just how scruffy and rough he was. Jayne must have been drunker than me because somehow she lost her bag or had it stolen and we got separated while she went off to the police station without giving a thought to me. I was wondering along the front looking for her not able to contact her also drunk. A horrible night and one from which we must learn a lesson. Stupid , stupid us.

Apart from that it was lovely. Hotel, brilliant right on the front and we woke to the sound of the waves every morning. Views fantastic and weather brilliant. Food or pintxos exciting and different and the language a challenge. Probably spent too much money but I have not looked yet so am hidng a bit from that horror.

Back home and its all okay although I am bored and very dispirited about work. Christine is leaving and there doesn't seem any point in pretending to carry on so far as I am concerned. I am now going to actively look for alternative employment but just worry about financing a car etc. Shame because I loved this job and now its all gone for me.

Jason has been emailing and texting me and we were supposed to be meeting for a coffee tomorrow but I got muddled and thinking we were meeting in the evening have arranged appointments for the afternoon so not sure now when we will meet. When I don't see him I can forget how attracted I was to him and how exciting it all felt in fact it all feels a bit scary. Why do men make you feel that you will have to perform for them? Or rather that is the pressure that I feel when talking to Jason.

Saw Mr V last night and we had a good albeit brief time before he whizzed off to Wales. He is so much nicer to me now, always kissing me goodbye and checking I am okay if he has to go a bit earlier. I feel he does care for me now and its not just sex but that he likes me. When we first met and he used to go I used to feel like an old prostitute but he doesn't leave me with those feelings now. I do love him in a way.

Right have to motivate myself into doing some work.

Weather hot and muggy with promise of storms and rain.

Health is good although I have bruises on my knees from sitting astride Mr V in the car last night so they are good fun reminder bruises.

Money - too scary to look at the moment

News- Sex offenders to be given chemical cosh

Mood- good although worried about work and totally unmotivated.