After everyone had set off to work I text Mr V apologising for being so emotional the previous night, saying I had a cry and was back to normal now. But I wasn't really apologising I was fishing for a contact, a text from him to say not to worry, its okay, you are going through a rough time, but guess what it never came.
However a long worded email that I sent to Jason saying how mixed up I was feeling and anything but sexy prompted a lovely sympathetic reply from him. He said he wants to make me feel not a mother, daughter or sister or social worker but just Gill and give me time for myself to enjoy myself etc etc. Very good emails but unfortunately he does not excite me anymore and the person I want to say all that to me doesn't. I think I should just sit back and enjoy the ride with Jason not rush things because from past experience this all changes once we have visited the bedroom together.
Tidied the house and set off to the office using my new bluetooth to make calls as I drive. This makes me more efficient using the drive time to work at the same time which is good as I think I waste loads of time really.
Met Greg and we went through the presentation, he really is a diamond bloke is our Greg. Later he asked me about my Dad and I got a bit emotional but recovered and bless him he started talking about an old bloke he visits with sandwiches lol.
Bought a new lamp for the sitting room, I must stop spending money.
Went to Jaynes for a jewellery party and bought a couple of necklaces and a nice new bag for work at only 10 was excellent value.
Lorraine, Jayne and I are off to Venice on Sunday and there is a part of me dreading it. Whereas in the past I would really look forward to our weekends away now I am worried about the tension there might be, the conflicting desires and wants. I would love it if we could recapture the fun and excitement and the laughs we always had. Still we will see.
I phoned Dad and spoke to him. He sounded fairly bright and said no ill effects of treatment so far but he is worried that this 5 doses might not be enough and that they will want him to do more. He also said how tired he is permanently and how its a struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. He also said he is afraid to blink in case he doesnt open his eyes again. I laughed at the time but he meant it seriuosly which sounds horrible. I think he meant as in falling asleep but the connotations are really about death creeping up and catching him while he is blinking. It sounds like he is keeping death at bay by keeping his eyes open.
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